If you are interested in firing up someone’s mind without making it obvious that you are trying to control them, you need to learn the technique of persuasion – but also to pay attention to its counterpart: manipulation.

When we are interested in making someone think as we do, we need to make sure that that person doesn’t feel that they are under our control. There is, as you may know, a thin line between these two things: persuasion and manipulation. You need to muse on the first and avoid the latter.

When you persuade someone, you are getting that person to be persuaded to do something for you. Manipulating someone, on the other hand, typically entails the use of dishonest means, and here the ends do not justify the proverbial means.

What differentiates persuasion from manipulation dwells in a person’s motivation. If you are an honest person using honest methods, you are not going to be seen as being manipulative.

The following ideas show you ways of persuasion by avoiding those of manipulation. First, know what you need, and then express this want honestly. Be open about your desires or goals. Know what you want, too, otherwise you won’t be able to speak your mind clearly.

Did you always want to have a fancy birthday party? Let friends and relatives know that this is what you wish. Speak up, let them know what would make you happy.

Second, did you know that your friends and relatives tend to echo your own values? Yes, if you are generous, for example, they’ll be munificent, too.

Also, listen vigilently to what your friends or relatives are saying. See if you can tell whether they have wants or needs. This way you’ll recognize whether there is something you could do to help them. Then when it’s your turn to need something, they will be happy to rise to the occasion.

Be sure you don’t come across as the type of person that always needs something. If you socialize with your friends by sharing your talents with them, you are doing the right thing. And you create pleasant relationships by being simply yourself and not someone else.

Don’t be the sort of person who is too picky or hard to please; that way your friends or relatives will be disinclined to help you out when you need help.

And if you think you are picki and hard to please, you know that others are not going to sprint to help you out when you are in need of their help.

In the final analysis, do not remove yourself from the party of others. Recall the old song about people needing people; they are the happiest people on earth.

Though life is not always a bowl of cherries, it’s pleasant to have people on our side when we are overwhelmed by the demands of work or feel depressed or tired. If such conditions make your friends hesitant in your presence to see what they can do for you, get out of the way for the time being. But do call your friends or send them an e-mail rather than try to keep them attached to you in times that are trying.

If you keep in touch with people in accordance with the advice given above, people are not going to burn the bridges behind them when you will be in need of their help.

So the techniques we discuss here are the basics of persuasion that show you how to communicate your needs or wants. Human nature is twofold: we want to help others, even as we want others to help us.

There is really no hidden knowledge here: if you know the practices of persuasion, you will know how to put into words your needs and wants. Human nature is such that we all want to help and be helped, as the case may be.

Learn how to apply the techniques of persuasion to fire up a mind and make friends. Expand your horizons. Don’t be a bringer of bad news.

For more information, visit Persuasion Skills Black Book. They have a complete resource center including a Free Special Report, fun survey, a wealth of articles and some product reviews.